What Do Foster Parents Want Others to Know?

“I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe.”

Habakkuk 1:5b

This Blog Covers

Fostering is harder than expected but worth it!
Foster parents were glad they didn’t know how hard it would be
Foster parents couldn’t have survived without support
They are stronger parents & know more about themselves because of fostering
Conclusion

It was harder than expected but worth it!

Even though it is harder than they expected, most parents do not regret fostering or adopting. When people found out I was writing a book about fostering, many moms shared their arduous journeys with the vulnerable children God brought into their lives. I’ve heard stories of joy and hope that came to an end when they felt they lost their beloved child to drugs or when their love was rejected.

As a mom comes to the end of sharing a difficult journey and swipes at the tears welling in her eyes, I always ask the same question. “Knowing how hard it has been if you could go back, would you still have chosen to foster (or adopt) them?” The answer from these brave mamas’ shattered hearts is a resounding yes!

One mama told me she had a foster daughter in and out of her home for over a decade. This daughter of her heart overcame countless obstacles. They shared a beautiful, fun-loving relationship, and she was like one of their own children, even though the state repeatedly returned her to her birth mom. Then this daughter tried meth, and now she is not the same person anymore. This mama mourned the loss of the beloved daughter. The enemy had stolen her. Her daughter became verbally abusive, blaming her for everything in her life. “We gave her everything we gave our other children. The last time she was here, I had to tell her not to come back,” she shared through tears.

When I asked this tender mom if she would do it over again, she jumped over my words before I could finish asking the question. “Yes! A million times, yes! She was like one of our children.”

They were Glad they didn’t know how hard it would be

I agree with the moms who said they are thankful they didn’t know how hard some parts would be or they might not have fostered. Yes, all the moms I’ve asked would do it again, even if it turned out the same.

In seasons when we come to a desolate desert of hurt and hope is as faint as water, we are suspended. We are mamas wanting to trust God’s promise that we are new every morning. Yet we don’t know what to think as our hearts race within our chests. We pray, “Lord, bless our children and bring them back to you.” But can we dare to hope that God can heal the hurt between us? We lost our innocence when repeated, and forceful breaks in trust shattered our relationships. We want to believe, hope, and love fully without hesitation.

“Because of the LORD’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22–23).

The truth is, we are more resilient and adaptable than we will ever imagine, and we will rise to the challenge—except for the days we don’t and we allow ourselves to feel defeated or we are sucked into the whirlpool of overwhelmed. Those moments are real and do happen. Maybe it’s because we are listening to the lie inside our head that we are not doing the best we can. Or that we could have done something better. We don’t know what, but something! I love the saying, “Don’t believe everything you think.”

They couldn’t have survived without support

You are not alone. Look around you and ask for support. Some people will support you emotionally by listening, praying, and helping out if you ask directly and make your needs known. “I’m so busy” or “I’m overwhelmed!” doesn’t count. These phrases have become a regular part of our culture and are far too vague.

Read the chapter “I Don’t Know if I Can Do This Alone” in Breathing through Foster Care: A Survival Guide Based on the Reflection of a Foster Mom for practical ideas on finding support.

Once I began foster care, I started to encounter situations when I didn’t know what to do or how I should respond in urgent situations. In moments of helplessness, God met me time after time. He gave me the self-control to go into the other room. He gave me the presence of mind when things didn’t go how I planned to step back and not do anything at times.

“I’m frustrated right now. We’re all going to take a break and calm down,” I would say. I learned to be comfortable with letting a child have an angry cry, and I learned to allow myself to cry too.

They are stronger parents & know more about themselves because of fostering

When I know I am doing what God has asked me to do, I step out, knowing he will make up the difference when I come to the end of myself. That is when I see him provide and feel his presence. When I feel the weakest, he makes himself known, and my faith grows. I trust him more.

Fostering is exhausting and scary and takes all the mental, emotional, and physical strength you have some days. But it is also exhilarating, like making it to the end of a challenging race or cresting the top of a mountain where the world spreads out before you, and you can see in every direction. You can look back and see how far everyone has come. While you remember the difficulties, the valleys seem smaller from the top somehow. As you look ahead, you see the beauty and hope of the future. Like having a baby, it was painful but so worth the birth and struggle to raise that little one, with all the scrapes and kisses along the way. There is nothing like it, and you are forever changed.

Now that I have realized he can and will respond to present needs in my life, I can honestly say, “God, what did you intend me to be when you first imagined me into being? What purposes do you have for me? You have walked by me and rescued me and reassured me over and over like a parent calling to a toddler with outstretched hands, ‘You’re doing it. Keep coming. You can do it.’”

Conclusion

Foster parenting is hard, but making a difference in the life of a vulnerable child is worth the time and emotional energy.
We are more resilient, and we can do more than we think we can. Don’t believe yourself when you think it will be too hard.
Find the people who want to help support you and your family. You are not alone.
Fostering helps you understand your needs and the needs of your children.

If you have been encouraged my this blog please forward it to a friend or family member.

Be Brave & Love Well!

Robin

Robin LaVonne Hunt and her husband have fostered 42 children and adopted one of their four children. She wrote the book Breathing through Foster Care: A Survival Guide Based on the Reflection of a Foster Mom to encourage parents and those interested in understanding vulnerable children. Some of Robin’s passions include teaching, learning, reading, and writing. She loves to share her story and hear how God has worked through others’ life stories. You can contact her at bebravelovewell@gmail.com.