TRIAL - Justice & Mercy for the Children?
Today was life as usual for all our kids. They jumped on the trampoline in the yard. They played foot tag in the living room, and right now, I can hear them downstairs laughing and giggling as they watch a Pixar cartoon.
On the other hand, I am emerging from a heavy, numb sadness after the trial this week. I called into our foster children's trial to terminate their parents’ parental rights for a couple of days earlier this week.
The disturbing testimonies and the mention of 82 pages of police reports of domestic violence faxed to the judge made me realize how distorted our foster kids' reality is and how much they were trained to hide. They all love their parents, are very loyal to whatever their parents want, and they all believe that they would be safe if they went home to their parents.
While the children have been in foster care this time, Child Services sent out about 70 letters to each side of the family, and no one expressed an interest in guardianship or adoption over the last year and a half. Now that termination is likely; the judge ordered that a couple of specific family members (with criminal records) and a family friend be contacted to see if they are interested in taking the children. Apparently, "variances (exceptions) are made all the time to place children with family members with criminal records to maintain the family," one social worker explained.
It will take at least 45 days for child services to look into the families and for the families to file paperwork and pass a home inspection. Again, we return to the waiting place - not knowing what our family will look like this summer. Our plans to purchase tickets to visit family for my parents' 50th Anniversary are again postponed until we see if we will need to buy five or eleven airline tickets. As a side note, I discovered when I tried to purchase tickets online that we are officially a "group." I was prompted on various reservation sites to call the 1-800 to book group travel.
While none of the children will be going home anytime soon, the judge is deciding which children, if any, he will terminate parental rights on. I was shocked when the court wanted to know the children's opinion on whether or not the older children want their parent's parental rights terminated before the final decision is made. Even if the children had not been controlled by fear and manipulation, this seems a horrible decision to burden a child with - like asking if they wanted their parents to get divorced. Is the court trying to make children feel like it's their fault? Childhood distortions that it is somehow the child's fault are already too common.
One of our older foster children is anxious about what will become of her mom and all eight children (we only have six of the eight siblings in our home). Another older child seemed like she didn't understand the serious situation by the pleasant look on her face during our heavy discussion. Her receptive language and vocabulary are behind, so I try to check in to make sure she understands.
I told this pleasant child, "I'm having a hard time reading you. Can you tell me what you are thinking or feeling?"
She shrugged and said, "I just really think that God can bring good out of whatever ends up happening."
Wow. What sobering faith. I need to dig deeper into God's promises and his peace!
The truth is the kids' mom and dad love them - a lot. Their mom goes "Mama Bear" on every account. I don't believe I would act like her, but I think I would feel the crazy fear and anger she feels if someone tried to take my children away from me. They want their kids back but have been consumed by their addictions and their lack of impulse control.
Addiction and disfunction have been passed on from generation to generation. The mom says she's "F'ed up,” but she is always quick to tell her kids and everyone else that she loves her kids. We all believe her. But addiction and anger seem to have swallowed her whole like quicksand, and she is not in a place where she wants to or is able to fight its suction.
"I know my kids. They are good kids. They know I love them. I'M THEIR MOM, and they know I love them. They are good kids." And they are.
In a time when they were doing better, their parents told the kids to read their Bibles, go to church, pray, and trust God.
The children are still following this advice, and it has become the source of their resilience and peace.