You Are Not Alone
“I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.”
Habakkuk 1:5b
Even though it is harder than they expected, most parents do not regret fostering or adopting. When people found out I was writing a book about fostering, many moms shared their arduous journeys with the vulnerable children God brought into their lives. I’ve heard stories of joy and hope that came to an end when they felt they lost their beloved child to drugs or when their love was rejected.
As a mom comes to the end of sharing a difficult journey and swipes at the tears welling in her eyes, I always ask the same question. “Knowing how hard it has been, if you could go back, would you still have chosen to foster (or adopt) them?” The answer from these brave mamas’ shattered hearts is a resounding yes!
One mama told me she had a foster daughter in and out of her home for over a decade. This daughter of her heart overcame countless obstacles. They shared a beautiful, fun-loving relationship, and she was like one of their own children, even though the state repeatedly returned her to her birth mom. Then this daughter tried meth, and now she is not the same person anymore. This mama mourned the loss of the beloved daughter. The enemy had stolen her. Her daughter became verbally abusive, blaming her for everything in her life. “We gave her everything we gave our other children. The last time she was here, I had to tell her not to come back,” she shared through tears.
When I asked this tender mom if she would do it over again, she jumped over my words before I could finish asking the question. “Yes! A million times, yes! She was like one of our children.”
I agree with the moms who said they are thankful they didn’t know how hard some parts would be, or they might not have fostered. Yes, all the moms I’ve asked would do it again, even if it turned out the same.
In seasons when we come to a desolate desert of hurt and hope is as faint as water, we are suspended. We are mamas wanting to trust God’s promise that we are new every morning. Yet we don’t know what to think as our hearts race within our chests. We pray, “Lord, bless our children.” But can we dare to hope that God can heal the hurt between us? We lost our innocence when repeated and forceful breaks in trust shattered our relationships. We want to believe, hope, and love fully without hesitation.
Lord, have mercy on us all as we discover in this place of faint hope that you are faithful.
“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22–23).
The truth is, we are more resilient and adaptable than we will ever imagine, and we will rise to the challenge—except for the days we don’t, and we allow ourselves to feel defeated, or we are sucked into the whirlpool of being overwhelmed. Those moments are real and do happen. Maybe it’s because we are listening to the lie inside our head that we are not doing the best we can. Or that we could have done something better. We don’t know what, but something!
I love the saying “Don’t believe everything you think.”
One truth I have come to understand in the loneliness of grief is, you are not alone.
Read the full chapter, “What Do Foster Parents Want Others to Know?” by purchasing the book through the link. ➤ ➤ ➤