I Survived My First Week with Ten Kids!
“Every good and perfect gift is from above.”
James 1:17
I survived my first week of being a mom with nine kids in the house! Our oldest, who is out of the house, makes 10. In my book, Breathing through Foster Care, I wrote,
"I have always been in awe of foster moms that maintain three foster kids or more in addition to their birth children. Recently, we ended up increasing the number of foster children in our home from two to three so a sibling who was by herself could join her sisters who were in our care. Somehow, when I'm the one doing the best I can with a houseful, I don't feel inspiring. I'm thankful that God sees me where I am and sends help when I need it most.
When I visit moms at foster care support meetings, their stories give me perspective, and I am thankful that I don't have their challenges. These parents are in the trenches. They are holding the kids that are up crying in the middle of the night, doing mountains of laundry when they are exhausted, following through with consequences to teach a child to respect others when it would be easier to let it go. They are logging conversations with caseworkers and following up on making sure children's needs are met. These parents admit, at times, "I don't know how we do it." They are full-on superheroes in my mind! They are doing it, and they have the excitement of an ever-evolving family. Their stories make me thankful for the big kids I have at home to help make dinner, and the endearing foster children I currently have that are so respectful."
I NEVER thought there would be a day WE would have six foster kids or ten kids. But here we are.
Parts of the house are a total wreck. There were two days my anxiety was through the roof when I realized the educational needs are greater than I thought.
The upside, I'm learning to ask for help and draw boundaries. My husband and I still went on our date night and we’re working together to help the kids. I call my parents before the kids wake up, and they pray for our day. I’m amazed how our prayers have been answered. Yesterday, when we prayed that I would get real help to advocate for the kids, one of their counselors actually stopped by our house to pick up one of my children for counseling and we talked for a half hour. She left determined to connect us with resources. I’ve never even heard of a counselor stopping by to pick a child up for counseling! I was blown away! It was just for that one time she said (aka God was totally answering our prayers that morning)!
Before we start school, the kids and I set goals for the morning, and we pray together before we start. For boundaries, we are going to be done with school by 4:30 pm every day. Kids who are still behind will do school on Saturday morning, 9 am -12 am, and then we are done. We will do what we can, and then we will put away our things, do chores, and enjoy being a family. I have to be realistic even when the situation doesn't seem realistic at times.
The truth is the kids are not receiving all the services or help they need, but they haven't for a long time. We are passed midterm, and one of the children who just moved in has not turned in a single assignment so far this year for one of the classes because the reading level is way too high.
I'm not going to fix this in a week or two, but I have a page I've started in a notebook for each child, and I am writing down a to-do list for each of them, and I am focusing on two kids a day. I've left voice messages and emails asking for Special Ed accommodations that had not been given to this point. I've made multiple trips to pick up new work and packets. I've called and left many more messages and emails than responses with other people that are supposed to move the wheels of help for the children.
I'm thankful to the teachers who take the time to meet with my children individually over zoom to explain their missing work. I'm grateful to the counseling agency that is helping me go from 6 counselors to 3 for the kids who's counselors have left recently and the child that doesn't like her counselor.
My house will likely have some very messy zones for a while as we figure out life as a big family. In that way, it reminds me of when we had a baby and schedules and everything else changed. We will adjust. It takes time to help the kids, but they are older and able to help me too. They helped me finish painting their room this week, and everyone helped me put together a math game that I will be sending home with my first graders next week.
Figuring out our schedule and how to get academic help for the kids is straight-up overwhelming at times, but I am just going to keep doing the next most important thing.
As a teacher, I've settled into a routine with my 1st graders, and I love seeing them every day on Zoom. I'm proud of the education my first-grade team is providing with parents' help. I am teaching 1st grade and principal/lead teacher at home during the day. At night, I'm discovering I actually love the feeling of a big family. I love listening to the kids laugh, tease each other in a fun way, and teach each other the piano. Right now, our new family seems like one of those presents in a movie that explodes with confetti when it is opened. Shocking, unexpected, but brings a laugh and a smile to everyone’s face. Our foster children love having their siblings in the house and they get along so well with our biological children.
Today I'm content.